google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
