My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
