i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
