I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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