Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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