Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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