What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
