shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
