Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
