why do cheetos always look like penises
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
