i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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