i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
