He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
