The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
