there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
