Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
