we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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