Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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