Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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