I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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