i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
