Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
