That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Mom said you looked used
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
