At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You pole danced in your parka.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
