the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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