When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
