It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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