somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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