and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
