i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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