After last night, I could never be a politician.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
