i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
