escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
