bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
