guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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