Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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