Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
