I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
