The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
