btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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