the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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