Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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