ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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