I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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