If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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