So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
