just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
