well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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