You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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