You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
