I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
